Trusting Jesus to take control of my heart is one of the hardest things I have ever done. It wasn’t an easy decision for me. The selfish desires of my heart always held me back from offering my heart completely to Jesus. I like to be in control and ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to do what I wanted to do. Period. I was raised in a Christian home, with good Christian parents, & went to church every single time the doors were open. I was only allowed to hangout with the “good kids” and as hard as my parents tried to keep me from the ways of the world, I had a desire to indulge in temptations. So I did.
Growing up I knew what was right and honestly there was a part of me that desperately wanted to follow Jesus with everything I had but there was also a part of me that was curious to see just how much fun the world could be. I wish I could say that the part of my heart wanting Jesus overcame my sinful desires but they didn’t. I chose myself and what I wanted over what God had planned for me. The war between good and evil raged in my heart for so long that I felt my heart was being torn in two. I made every wrong choice I could make, running further and further from the only One who could bring healing to my soul. I was ashamed and knew I was wrong but I was still too stubborn to give over the control of my life. My life turned into a whirlwind of horrible things and I did not even know the girl who I had become anymore. I was tired of fighting but God was still pursuing me with a love that I never knew existed. I couldn’t say no anymore, I had no choice to surrender my whole heart to Him.
It was not painless. I’m pretty sure that I let go one finger at a time. But let me just say...when I did, it felt like Satan raised his white flag and my heart just felt whole, for the first time ever. All I could think was “why did I wait so long?!”
My mother is a big reason that I was finally able to let go of my wants and allow God’s love to penetrate the darkest parts of my heart. She loved me, through the good, the bad, & the ugly. She proved to me that her love was not conditional based on my actions. That is the most tangible way I have ever experienced God’s love. I know it was easy on her to choose to love me but she did it anyway. She will never know the impact that had on me (until she reads this blog).
I want to imitate that love. I want to make it easy for other people to choose God’s love. Right now, I feel I am in a pretty neutral zone. I don’t think that I really do anything to make people not want to follow Jesus but am I living my life in such a way that it makes it easy for others to choose Jesus? That is my desire. To me, neutral is just as bad as turning people away from the cross.
My Jesus died for me. God sent the ultimate sacrifice, His only Son. I should be so honored by that! I want to live a life worthy of that sacrifice. I will never be able to repay that debt but I want to try. I want people to look at me and see Jesus and the love that was poured out on the cross. I want to live a life so full of joy that people think following Jesus is the simplest choice they would ever make.
Let’s make it easy for others to want to follow Jesus. Let’s be kind and love each other even when it isn’t effortless. Let’s be the hands and feet of Jesus, taking care of the hurt and broken people who so desperately need Him. When we turn our gaze from why we don’t deserve to follow Jesus to realizing He is the only way to live, it makes it… easy.
Have a great week & keep seeking Jesus!
Amanda Williams is a forty-year old wife and mother of two who can still swing her pony tail and display just a tad of sass. She is also a Jesus loving girl who realizes she is nothing without the One who saved her. Amanda has two degrees specializing in serving students with special needs and is currently working in the field of Leadership Development. She is a Christian author, speaker, blogger, and publisher who loves serving beside her husband at her local place of worship, First Baptist Church of Ocala.