Create in me a clean heart O’ God.
Sometimes I don’t even realize how much gunk gets built up in-between my heart and the presence of Jesus. It seems like days, weeks, even months go by without me feeling the tug of the Holy Spirit on my heart and I begin to wonder if He is even there anymore.
During these seasons are when Satan is in full force attack mode, sending me into a pit that I just keep digging deeper until I am so deep, I cannot pull myself out on my own. Often I enjoy being in the pit, crying out for help but only loud enough for attention and not desperate enough to need saving. So I wallow, sulk, cry, and feel sorry for myself, wondering why God has not majestically rescued me from my sin.
Then I look up...
& all I can see is my sin. My shame. My guilt. The filth that I have allowed myself to soak in so deep, that it is the only thing I know. It is like the window that used to be so sparkling clean between me and Jesus, has become opaque with all my sins and I can’t see His face or feel His goodness anymore, I am just constantly staring at all the ugly in my life.
I keep crying out and ebbing back and forth between anger and sadness at the window for not letting me see Jesus, when I am not willing to do anything but feel sorry for myself, and expect God to just clean the window.
Here is what I never seem to grasp, every day that I sit in that pit and stare up at the window begging it to become clean, Jesus is on the other side.
One thing will never change, God’s side will always be clean, and He is there waiting for us to clean our side and be able to see His glory once again.
All I have to do is be willing to wash my side of the window to see His face clearly. Washing our window is when we repent our sins to Him.
Sometimes we choose to “stain” our side of the window and other times we do so just because we are sinners, but regardless, our window is always going to get dirty, so we have to willing to clean it and prayer is our Windex and repentance is the scrub brush.
To be able to see God clearly, we have to daily clean our side of the window. Some days we will forget, won’t feel like it, simply do not care if we can’t see through the window or not, or even try to cover up the window to forget who is on the other side because it's too much to clean up.
This is something that I have been really struggling with lately, and through scripture and the amazing support system I have around me, have found that it is only me keeping myself from His presence, not God. Satan is the master of manipulation and he makes lies so easy to believe. He made me believe that if I sat in my pit long enough, cried hard enough, and became pitiful enough that my window would just clean itself. But it didn't, it got worse and the longer I sat the dirtier it got, & that's exactly what he wanted to happen.
But then I remembered truth &...
Now here I am, scrubbing and cleaning, windexing my way to the face of Jesus, no longer allowing Satan to keep me in that pit without seeing the face of my Savior.
It is NOT easy, at times the cleaning takes every ounce of strength I have but then I start to see glimpse of holiness in my life and it sparks that flame to make me scrub harder, with all I have, until I see His face again.
It is okay to struggle and it is okay to be sad or angry but what is not okay is allowing Satan to drag you down into those pits and try to murk your side of the window with sin. Be bold in proclaiming the power of God against Satan and be diligent about repenting your sins as much as possible in order to stay in that closeness with Christ. Don't give Satan the satisfaction of keeping you idle, thinking that things will take care of themselves.
I hope you all have a good week and I challenge you that if you have something on your heart that needs to be cleansed, talk to God about it and start scrubbing your side of the window to see Him clearly once again. & if this is not an area where you are currently struggling, offer someone in your life the encouragement and support to do so in love!
Amanda Williams is a forty-year old wife and mother of two who can still swing her pony tail and display just a tad of sass. She is also a Jesus loving girl who realizes she is nothing without the One who saved her. Amanda has two degrees specializing in serving students with special needs and is currently working in the field of Leadership Development. She is a Christian author, speaker, blogger, and publisher who loves serving beside her husband at her local place of worship, First Baptist Church of Ocala.