Do you ever feel as if you're smack dab in the middle of a muddle? As in a mess, confusion, state of disarray?
The last couple of weeks I've felt as if I'm sitting criss-cross applesauce in the middle of a short (let's all pause and pray that is truth) season of muddle.
It's not that anything catastrophic has happened. Of course there are serious issues in my life right now—but everyone has or is on the precipice of dealing with "serious", right? Yes. BUT . . . In the midst of the bad, there are an abundance of blessings. I am thankful.
No, I've allowed my structure, my framework to break apart, therefore causing a hodgepodge of disorganization that has resulted in a mush pile of ME. Ever been there?
The stomach flu has been my companion these last few days; therefore, my habitat has been my side of the bed and a path between where my feet hit the floor and my knees hit the tile in front of the toilet. TMI? Sorry.
ANYWAY, I've had a lot of time to think and ponder. I would say pray, but I'm not sure thinking about God is the same as talking to Him. Afterall, you can be in the same room with someone and not say a word. That's kind of where I was/am. And during that time I realized, I've been avoiding Him.
Forgive my self psycho-analysis, but I'm pretty sure I'm angry. But not at Him. I've been angry at God before, and I know He can take my wrath. And it's not that I don't trust Him. No, I trust Him—very much. (Friends, please know that statement has not always been true. His trustworthiness has stayed the same; my ability to do so has dramatically shifted.)
Feeling like a human during my 2 mile turn around the neighborhood on this beautiful, breath taking Florida Spring day, I was able to process my anger. I'm angry at the broken. Whether it be broken families, broken bodies, broken leadership, or broken relationship . . . this world is broken.
Here lately, I've been focusing my energy on fixing something I can't fix. The Broken.
During this walk, I talked to God about it. As always He was patient, but truthful. Here's what I got:
Me: I'm mad at me, and the world I live in. I need--
God: You need Me, not a bandaid. I'm the cure for the broken.
Me: Yes, I know.
God: What are you going to do about it?
Me: I know what to do about it, but where do I find the WANT to?
God: This talk is the WANT to; now be intentional.
Me: That takes time and energy, and I don't have much of either.
And that's where I am.
(We also had an interesting discourse about sunglasses, but I haven't puzzled that one out yet. Maybe a blog in the future, if He grants me understanding.)
I'll leave you with this:
For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. (I Corinthians 14:33)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7)
Moving with Scribbles,
Amanda Williams is a forty-year old wife and mother of two who can still swing her pony tail and display just a tad of sass. She is also a Jesus loving girl who realizes she is nothing without the One who saved her. Amanda has two degrees specializing in serving students with special needs and is currently working in the field of Leadership Development. She is a Christian author, speaker, blogger, and publisher who loves serving beside her husband at her local place of worship, First Baptist Church of Ocala.