As I've mentioned before, my dad went to seminary and was trained in Jacksonville, Fl. When I was eleven years old, I walked the aisle of Westside Baptist Church and accepted Jesus as my Savior. I fully understood what I was doing, repented and was baptized shortly thereafter. Fast forward a year and we relocated to Georgia where my father was ordained. He then began his 9 year ministry of serving as a bi-vocational pastor of several small churches in South Georgia. I write all that to establish that I am most definitely a preacher's kid.
With that identity comes a lot of exposure. When you are on the front lines of any battle, especially spiritual warfare, you get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly. Preacher's kids are front line spectators of some great stuff, some not so great stuff, and some downright ugly stuff. What happened to me doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen to many. My vision of God became topsy turvy. You see, I started equating God with who I thought were the 'good guys' in the pews. A couple of problems exist with that view: 1) A church is more like a hospital. Everyone is sick with sin. Some recognize it. Some don't. 2) God is perfect. God is love. God is merciful. God is forgiving. God is Creator. God is...God. No person sitting in the pews could ever perfectly fill that description. Don't misunderstand; countless people during those years blessed my family, and loved on us like we were their own family; yet, some set out to intentionally wound. I witnessed the pains those wounds inflicted and I, myself, still bear some of the scars.
Those internalized, twisted views of God propelled me down a road of anger and bitterness. Here's the thing, though. God walked with me down that winding road. Granted, He walked beside me when my arms were crossed and my head was decidedly turned away from His unending grace and mercy, but He was still there.
One day, many years down the road from eleven, I finally came to the end of myself and told God I was mad at Him. Actually, I screamed it. Guess what? He already knew. Guess what else? He could take it. Guess what else? On that day, our relationship took on a new face and I am profoundly grateful for the circumstances that brought me to my knees.
Are you mad at God? That's ok. Just make sure your view of Him is not topsy turvy like mine was. Make sure you see Him for who He is. Then......let Him have it.
Amanda Williams is a forty-year old wife and mother of two who can still swing her pony tail and display just a tad of sass. She is also a Jesus loving girl who realizes she is nothing without the One who saved her. Amanda has two degrees specializing in serving students with special needs and is currently working in the field of Leadership Development. She is a Christian author, speaker, blogger, and publisher who loves serving beside her husband at her local place of worship, First Baptist Church of Ocala.